Why adult friendship matters and 17 simple ways to connect with friends. Wisdom and happiness

I was thinking about that at our core and I, really sharing deep friendships. Appreciation, happiness, shorthand jokes, shabung. But it turns over time, as marriages and friendship. Our children – which we love more than words can encounter – in some ways a wedge. This is like this … We are co-leaed on this high-station group project, and we both do not really want to screw it. (Under his belt, it is spoken as someone with the treatment of fourteen years combined.)

Pressure and structure are not an ideal position for friendship. In such a scenario, the feeling of lightning, being seen and seen, can shrink quietly. We are in a different phase, built on a flexibility, communication and clarity. But it leaves an opening for closeness that may feel like loss.

We do not talk about adult friendship as we talk about romantic relationships, but we need.

Because adult friendship can only be initial and necessary. In many ways, they provide a kind of freedom that cannot participate in our romantic or functioning. Our friends are usually not directly affected by our decisions, so they can tell us the truth. And if we are lucky, they are happy for us who we are, not for what we do.

What does the best adult friendship give us

Recently, I am reaching out of my wedding for the kind of friendship that fills in intervals. I have also encouraged Joe to do so. Not dramatic or betrayal. We are just reaching for a connection that seems to be hungry for this busy season of life: happiness. Spontaneous conversation. Shared curiosity. The kind of love says, I care about you that no wire is attached.

That last part is important.

“No wire attached” means:

• I don’t like you because you make me feel better than this.
• I do not hope that you will behave a certain way to stay in my class.
• I do not need to be small, so I can feel big.
• I do not affection for punishment or control.
• I do not use my connection to give some hints about myself.

And let’s be honest: Many of us are so trapped in our own unresolved dirt that we are not even available to be friends that we want.

Friendship, real friendship, is a mirror. But shiny way you do not hang on the wall. This is the type that reflects you with love, holding your contradictions without provoking; It reminds you of who you are when you forget.

You do not have to do much to keep friendship alive. You just have to please another person. is key. This is what we all want. Someone who says, “I see you, and it gives me happiness.”

And we just don’t want – we have to offer it. It does not perform great widespread functions of commitment or even “catch-up” does not give grandeur to lunch. It shows in life rather than sitting on the perimeter.

You do not have to do much to keep friendship alive. You just have to please another person. is key. This is what we all want. Someone who says, “I see you, and it gives me happiness.”

3 ways i maintain adult friendship

Friendship in adulthood does not naturally come to me. This is something that I have to learn slowly, sometimes strangely, because it is also something for which I am deeply craving. Many of my life, I did not think that I had. The way I pity, not in: mutual, safe, happy. I always felt that I needed to sing and dance for connections and safety.

So now, I try to be intentionally. I mess up and never show. But I keep trying. I keep trying to be a friend in life. These are some ways that I keep the connection alive with friends:

1. When I think of someone, I send a quick message. Sometimes it is just, “You have pops up in my head. I like ____ about you very much.” It is not necessary to be poetic or perfect. People remember how you felt them, not how well you wrote the lesson.
2. I let people go inside. I share where I am really messy. Let someone show me to me – without decisions, without decisions – the most difficult and the most treatment has been one of the things. I have been allowed down, but also raised. I think it is worth knowing who can be for you, and who can be the best on the perimeter.
3. I am eager. I really want to know people. Did they light them. What is difficult. I don’t always need to give advice – I have learned that just listening can be more powerful than saying the right thing. I am always working on listening. I think we can all strengthen our friendship in this way.

Not all friendships remain forever (and that’s fine)

Sometimes? Friendship changes and people flow. There is misunderstanding. Sometimes things break beyond repair. I used to see it as a failure. Now I see it as part of being human. When it seems right, I try to repair – exit, name the injury, be open. And when it’s not? I let me go with love and wish them best wishes.

Not every friendship is forever, but every one teaches you something about who you are and how you love.

You do not need a large group, a fully coordinated program, or detailed plans. All you need is some people who make you feel good in your body. Protected in your nervous system. Looked and accepted who you are.

14 more ways to connect with friends in adulthood

Maintaining adult friendship is not a size-fit-all approach. So I wanted to share simple ways, other people keep their friendship alive.

I presented this question to my Instagram audience before this spring: How do you show someone you like and appreciate them? These were the most repeated reactions:

1. Spend time with them.
2. Offer favor before asking.
3. Share praise and what do I praise about them.
4. While introducing others to other people, expose what I love about them.
5. Embrace them full five-second.
6. Send them a care package.
7. Send them a card or quick note in the mail.
8. Buy a bouquet of grocery store flowers or choose a simple bouquet from the garden, and leave them in your place.
9. Stop randomly with a treatment or their favorite coffee order.
10. Tell them the unique things that make them who they are.
11. Make them a home-cooked food.
12. Tell them that whenever I leave their place, I love them.
13. Create a playlist for them or share a song that I know they will love.
14. Read them on a quick link or a piece of clothing on the subject of interest that I think they will like.

I am curious what you think about making friends as an adult. Send me a note with questions or ideas at Hello@witanddelight.com, and we can continue the conversation.

Kate is the founder of Wit and Delight. She is currently learning to play tennis and is forever Testing her creative muscle boundaries, Follow it on Instagram on @Witanddelight_.